I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
