I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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