She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS