I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
