I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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