Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.