my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
