so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
