he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
