Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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