I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
