and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it's like iHOP with fire
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
