I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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