I just made out with a guy for $7.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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