The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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