You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
