just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
