Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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