Your face is a jimmy john
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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