i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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