I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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