OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
