I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
