Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
