I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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