You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I party with great urgency now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
