Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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