Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
