is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
