sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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