that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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