You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've blown a few things in my day
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
