That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
