it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
