so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
