Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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