My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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