You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
