sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
