dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
