Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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