My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
