Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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