She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
