i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
