My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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