barbara walters just said penis...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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