Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
His nipple licking is glorious
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
