i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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