i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
