bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
