so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
