Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
