I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
