my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
