Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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