Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
