I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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