honey bunches of taint.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
