were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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