Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i already hear my dad disowning me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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