The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize