so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize