another moral hangover. fuck.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You dont lie about slip and slides
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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