My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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