I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
