covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
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Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
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There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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