Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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