What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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