is your mom at the bar?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
