Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
