She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
