omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
