It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my shit smells like andre
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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